Back yonder,
in the early days of scribing articles for Index, I reported my surprise upon
wandering in the Black Swan and finding it renovated to the charming place
Devizes hipsters know it as today. At the time, I was adamant I wasn’t there
for antique shopping, stating “I’m not David Dickenson; I’ve come here for
atmosphere, a pint and some live music, the quality of all above my
expectations. To suit the off-beat character transforming the place a young
Irish singer stands at the windowed alcove grasping his guitar with passion.”
That singer
was, of course, Richie Triangle, and he bought a sense of cheerfulness with
spritely enthusiasm, good humour and talented performances. Alas his campervan
out back of the pub is no longer, Richie has been travelling, but we’ll still
recall him busking in the Brittox and just his short stay in our town, he
gained a local following.
Well it
seemed we’ve good taste in Devizes, as Richie found success on his adventures
and has hooked up with Adrian Sherwood’s ground-breaking On-U-Sound studio, to
record “Made from Broken Pieces,” an album of original material, all written by
him.
In his own
words, Richie is, “describing and sympathising with all our situations. How
despite being broken, beaten and battered, we’re still here, alive and strong,
and have many crazy tales to tell.” The concept stemming from a rock climbing
accident Richie suffered while travelling India.
Paralysed from
the waist down, it was a struggle to make it back to the UK. “After much
determination and most of 2015 in a wheelchair,” Richie explains, “I managed to
rehabilitate enough to be able to stand, and in time, walk. I couldn't sit
around, and I absolutely had to get back in the music.”
Good news is
Richie is back in town, playing the Crown on Saturday, thanks to the
magnificent Marland Music. This will make the ideal after-carnival party and hopefully,
he’ll have copies of this acoustic magnum opus, with hauntingly sublime backing
sounds, akin to a modern James Taylor or Neil Young. Or, you can download it
for a tenner here: https://www.richietriangle.com/bargain.
Other
after-carnival parties are available; Stuart Beck performs at Times Square,
Mike Barham belts out classics at the Moonrakers, DJ Ramon’s getting funky at
the Southgate (with BBQ.)What am I,
some kind of human event calendar now? Bloody cheek, might start singing in the
Market Square myself.
Fear not,
that will not happen, not with Black Rat Monday out of the way.
While on the
musical subject, I was lucky enough to be treated to an exclusive preview of
the newly formed “Full Tone Orchestra,” at a rehearsal for their performance of
Iconic Themes on 16th September at the Corn Exchange. After just
three rehearsals I can confirm they sound totally awesome and this should be a spectacular
night as they accomplish numerous film scores.
Invited by
the ever-busy Jemma Brown, who is promoting the event with husband Anthony, the
conductor. I arrived fashionably late to which Jemma whispered I’d missed,
“Game of Thrones.” Fussed about this I was not, for it’s not something I’ve
followed, rather I favour I arrived just on time as they moved onto the Star
Wars theme with boundless energy, and this is much more up my street.
Having to
close my eyes and allow the music to envelope me, rather than let my eyes
wander over the school hall or the musicians attempting to concentrate, I could
almost imagine Darth Vader striding up the corridor like the headmaster from a
netherworld.
An attempt to bring the uplifting sounds of an
orchestra to the Devizes masses, I’ve seen first-hand the hard work and
dedication the Full Tone Orchestra are putting into this performance, I heard
them still going for it hours later when the wind blew in the right direction
and I was taking the recycling bins out!
All this and
the anticipation of awesome Swindon based two-tone ska band, The Killer-Tones
returning to our Con Club on 21st October, with Easily Led
supporting, courtesy of The Devizes Scooter Club, you can’t say for a town this
size, #nothingeverhappensindevizes hashytag or no hashytag.
I’m in the Market Place, minding my own, when grass verges
take human form and saunter. I gawk to the bottom of a bio-cup pondering how
many of these I’ve had.
The taxi rank appears to have metamorphosed into an
inflatable slide on which toddlers merrily bound. The Corn Exchange has grown a
metallic structure, protruding from its façade, upon which a contemporary brass
band play a funky Jungle Book anthem. Circus strongmen in stripy leotards
mingle, showing off muscles and their Salvador Dali pencil moustaches, and a
little girl chats on an old phone while her chair and oak desk manoeuvres down
the Brittox and into Boots.
Children queue at a Wiltshire Museum stall to make coins, as
the curator gives the press a harder thump and devotedly explains the process. There’s
a seadog in his sailing boat, with a cloud on a pole attached to the stern, on
the High Street, and at the corner by the bank there’s a fresh aroma of lemonade.
People balance upon tightropes through the trees, and
children gather outside the Bear Hotel to play inventive wooden puzzles while
fascinated pensioners smile, casting off the pigeonhole which states kids
require electronic devises to maintain enthusiasm.
Everybody’s in their silliest hats, washing down Thai
takeout, soul food or kangaroo burgers with unique cider and ale, soaking up
the sun, of all crazy occurrences. They chat and laugh, asking each other, “is this…I
mean, are we still in Devizes?” while a romantic on stilts offers a girl the
hanging basket from the Town Hall.
It’s not just me, things are abnormal I ponder, as children
sway on swing-boats near the monument where people usually squabble over parking
spaces, and the pubs and cafes mould into the surroundings, adding their own
entertainment and grub. Either it’s the fiesta rechristened, “Black Rat Monday”
by aficionados of the “British” (Lion) stand, I’ve had too many of them
already, DOCA have knocked the ball out of the park for another year, and we’ve
not even reached carnival weekend yet, or all three blazed into one glorious
celebration.
Now you should know by now, this is a rant column, and I’m
not one to mince my words; if it needs criticising then look no further. Plucking
hairs, there could’ve been a DJ or at least some tunes during the intervals, the
music could have been sprightlier and I’d like to see an acoustic tent
showcasing local talent, although circus acts filled the gaps, I note Larkin
busking in the Brittox, and confess, shamefully, I missed the last band which
sounded right up my street and bashing my door down.
Merrily I wandered home along the canal, since the
better-half drove the exhausted kids back earlier. Along the towpath life
continued as longboats sailed through the locks, seemingly oblivious to the
activities in town. I stopped on a bench past the café, where some swans
dredged their wings and an old lady looked out across the run-off pools. She
strolled over, sparked a conversation, explaining her family had temporarily
abandoned her to take tea in the café, but she didn’t feel she could walk any
further, and then she sat down. She was from Andover and among subjects of our
tête-à-tête, such as war years (she was 83 and proudly told me,) and children today;
she announced that she thought this place was lovely. I looked across the
rolling downs beyond Caen Hill and the sun which was setting above it, a scene
I’ve seen time and time again, and I humbly agreed.
I never get bored of the beauty of “this place,” and if we
can see that, as if we would for the first time, and we can go out and
celebrate life in our simple way, we don’t need a Glastonbury Festival sized
gala, just our humble do, we’re truly lucky my friend. So, as the celebrations are
to continue this week, some-kind of fun paint conflict, the bizarre Confetti
Battle, (Wednesday) the carnival parade (Saturday) and free side-events, such
Children’s Proms in Hillworth Park on Sunday, (2-4pm,) cast off petty
squabbling, our political, social and financial differences, and enjoy the
moment, hailing DOCA for the amazing show they’ve given us.
Now, where did I put my Black Rat?
Yeah that one, the one the dragonfly just crash-landed into;
thanks, yeah, yeah, this is Devizes.
You’ve dropped the kids off and now it’s just you and the
open road. You take the Little Mix CD out of the player and slip one of your
own choosing in, intending to relive your misspent youth. Despite the fond
memories it may provoke, half-hour into your “rave anthems” you feel a headache
and need a little lie down.
If you’re the forty-something who spent their younger days
bopping in a field with a posse you only just met, grinding teeth and sporting
eyes like saucers, but now the shebang is reduced to a couple of rave tapes you
couldn’t bear to bin and a head swirling with shards of misplaced memories,
then this could be the way to glimpse those heady days without menacing the
family with a chewed-up 91 Easygroove mixtape whilst washing the dishes.
Spannered by Bert Random, is a book which lacks plot but
compensates by sculpting a literary representation of an era habitually mislaid
by media. Photographically records are scarce, videos rarer; unlike modern
generations who take being filmed as regular, free ravers shunned anyone
pulling out a camera. So, we’re left with muddled stories passed down like
Uncle Albert with a glow-stick, and Human Traffic, a film which although had
the potential to be our Easy Rider, turned out too paisley to truly define the
period.
For Spannered centres first person narrative around a single
Bristol free party, set in 1995 it spares no mercy from eloquent, expressive
depictions of the music, culture and mad party people surrounding him, as well
as chronicling the views, sentiments and highs sloshing around in the protagonist’s
intoxicated mind.
It offers a uniquely accurate portrayal of the rave
generation and would be suitable, as I suggested, for all once-party people
looking for a stick to poke at their memories, but also anyone interested or
researching the mood of the period.
It’s no textbook, reveals no factual data of certain events
and makes no claim to be a bible of statistics; just an account of pure hedonism.
Although a few memorable parties are referenced, it’s basically an elucidation
of an illegal gathering and its aftermath through the eyes of an attendee. It
leaves those in the know tingling to return to that happy place through
gorgeous descriptive representations, acute observations most would have
forgotten in the mists of a comedown, and realistic portrayals of that once
popular scene.
At times, Spannered contains experimental syntax, with word
repetition or expanded terms to assist you visualise their status, if you’re
knowledgeable of rave culture, it works. It dips a toe into humour, in so much
as the free party was nothing but fun, and it washes the story out with the
gradual return to reality in such a way you feel like crashing out on a sofa
with a tinny or three, and perpetual beats rinsing your neurons.
A homage to life in the 90s, Spannered is a petite pocket of
psychedelic exposé, uncensored and definite, with musical references and some
appealing illustrated chapter divides. You need to digest this, whistle posse.
David sleuth
Goliath with a sling and a stone, but this election reminded me more of the
scene in Independence Day when they fired their nukes at the mothership without
effect.
The promise Corbyn
would become prime minster if she lost six seats a fleeting illusion, but it
reflected the theme of the banned song; she’s a liar, she lost twelve. But we
knew that anyway.
Too
thick-skinned to take a hint, the creature still breathes. If you run down a
rabbit and it’s fighting for its life, the humane thing to do is finish it off.
Maybe only an internal vote of no confidence will slay the conceited fiend.
After
deflecting a self-harming manifesto targeting prime tory voters, as well as the
poor, with a campaign built on falsely claiming Corbyn was a terrorist
sympathiser, how did Mayday end? In desperation she jumped into bed with anyone
who’d have her, and a blanket of irony covers the country like a storm cloud,
because the only ones mental enough to grant her wish are a bunch of terrorists
themselves.
So we can
now add compulsory creationism class in schools and outlawing abortion and same
sex marriage to our burgeoning list of hateful and oppressive philosophies,
such as cutting police and school budgets, privatising the NHS and snooping on
internet usage. Miraculously she found the money tree, in a money forest, for
investment in Northern Ireland.
But despite
a £1,200,000 leaf was picked from said tree for sickening anti-Corbyn adverts,
and The Sun’s suggestion that you spike your teenagers with drugs to stop them
voting, ol’ Jezzer did alright-ish. He celebrated by slapping a boob; something
which only enhanced my respect for him.
It’s just a
crying shame our backwards constituency couldn’t correspond with national
change; sad proof the majority here are selfish, brainwashed, or too posh to
care. I just want life to be a smidgen more peaceful; is this so wrong; they
shot John Lennon for it?
I mean
listen to Imagine, no sane person could deny it’s simple but poignant message,
but it’s an idyllic dream. Easy to
romanticise about a world where all live in peace and harmony and whole
different ballgame to put into reality.
Although John
wrote Imagine forty-two years ago, you’d think by now we could have at least considered
a theory for how we could go about it, being it’s such a cracking idea.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we, as his country of birth, could be the first to reach
out and make that change? Yeah, I thought so too; highly unlikely at the
moment.
It’s
depressing; the political debating paused locally two days before the election
to agree on a post by Devizes Police where approximately hundred trees were
reported to be heavy pruned and sprayed with chemicals to kill them off at the
Jubilee Woodland project near Caen Hill. The event incomparable with happenings
in London, still the reasons for this calculated vandalism was met blank; quite
rightly, why anyone would do this was beyond understanding.
It’s enough
to get Mr Happy down, but I promised we wouldn’t get political today; somebody
stop me! I’ve dispatched some friendly questions to Claire Perry, we’ll wait
for her to get back to me……..
But I have a
cure if you’re feeling down, discovered by bearing all at Calnefest last weekend,
and it’s raised a couple of points.
Oh no I hear
you cry, those crazy Calne-folk slipped Worrow a funny-fag and now he thinks he
has the answer for peace and harmony; not at all. See the photo, yeah
it’s Wilbur the Air Ambulance bear, but I’m his skeleton! What an awesome
experience, aside the fear I’d dehydrate in there, I’d recommend dressing in a
giant bear costume to anyone feeling down.
For that
while you feel legendary, everyone loves you and wants a cuddle. The only issue
is when you “de-bear,” as those awesome air ambulance fundraising volunteers term
it; confusion rises, you think you’re still the bear and parents look concerned
that you’re waving enthusiastically at their kids!
I’d like to
propose the election be fought in giant teddy-bear costumes, imagine the
entertainment value; Question Time would be attention-grabbing. Imagine Britain
First shouting their hate messages dressed as cuddly teddies! It mightn’t stop
Theresa from spewing fibs but least no one would be able to hear them!
The other
point about Calnefest was its simplicity and awesomeness; a great time was had
by all at the rec, with two stages, dance and comedy tents, plenty of food
stands and kid’s activities this really catered for all, and at a fair price
tag. I know we have events here in the Vizes, but we don’t have an all-in,
full-blown, family-sitting-on-the-lawn type festival. Somebody, take this
Calne-model and replicate it here; something I thought I’d never say!
Hello everyblobby, being it's the big day tomorrow and the last fortnight's worth of my humble column, with interviews from the our local Green and Labour candidates, have faced some pretty heavy editing, I thought it'd post the pieces as i originally wrote them; warts an all.
So, hope you enjoy them and, ermm...... happy voting! (is that really a thing?) No Surprises Being Green in Devizes
For scarce
local fruitcakes pondering amendment from the inflexible supercilious
Conservative regime mightn’t be a bad thing, I concluded with an acerbic but
obvious notion last week; the price we pay for amiability in this idyllic
location is selfish Tory dominance; bittersweet irony with cherries on top.
The attitude
if you don’t like it you know where the M4 is, fading with the emergent tenet
Tories are kaput, and many media conditioned into assuming Corbyn is the kind
of hippy you avoid at Glastonbury, let’s look at another alternative; got to
try, or are there really no surprises living in Devizes?
What I find
most irritating is that it’s crucial now to address our environment, but such
issues are on the backburner in government and society, as if the world will
wait for us before it meltdowns. So I’m honoured to have a chinwag with the
Green Party Candidate for Devizes, Dr Emma Dawnay, to ask how they can increase
awareness of the subject.
“At the
moment most people tend to think of looking after the environment as something
we tack on to other policies –promoting growth and the consumption of ever more
things,” Emma says. “With these ideas if the economy is doing badly then
environmental policy tends to drop off the bottom of the priorities list.”
“During my
lifetime we’ve become, on average, about three times richer than we were, but
are we any happier? It appears not much. Alternatively, it should be possible
to work three times less and still be able to consume as much as we did in the
1960s – but this is clearly not possible for most. Would you be happier if you
couldn’t buy so many things, but you could work less and have more free time to
study, be with friends, spend time with the children or look after loved ones?”
Does that
need an answer? I’m happy with a fidget spinner and bag of onion rings as long
as it’s my day off. Emma continued, “What we need to do is to change the rules
of the economic system. This is what Green Party policy is all about; cutting
down on unsustainable consumption whilst increasing wellbeing.”
Emma
explained a decisive socialist strategy in which everyone receives a universal
basic income. “This has been shown to encourage young people to study, and
enables people to choose to look after their families. It avoids poverty traps
as no benefits are withdrawn if you start to work, so working always pays. This
is quite a radical change, so we’d advocate a pilot study first.”
Radical
experimentation aside and looking at near-term ideas, The Green Party aims to
make environmental and financial benefits, such as home insulation. “We have
the least well insulated homes in Western Europe, making our heating bills
high,” Emma continued, “Pushing for national and local programmes to help
people insulate their homes better to save on heating bills makes sense; there
was a programme to do this, but cut by the Conservative government.”
Talking of
Tories, who’ve thrown environmental issues in the unrecyclable trash, on the
assumption the Greens are a single-issue party, I put to Emma surely a tactical
vote in our constituency would be wiser.
“We are not
a single issue party!” Emma assured, “we have policies across the board which
will increase wellbeing and give people the financial motivation to live in a
more sustainable manner. For me our economic policies, on tax, investment and
the monetary system – are more important than rules on, for instance, plastic
bags, as they will have a far wider impact. I’m a political economist, and it
is the Green Party’s economic policies that convinced me to become Green.”
“Tactical
voting won’t make any difference here. We know that the Conservatives will win;
no other party is anywhere near. Why not vote with your heart and conscience?
But do please vote! Fewer Conservative votes will send them a message, you
might as well send the message you really believe in.”
Prove it
then Emma, where do the Greens stand on the key issues; Brexit, the NHS and our
failing school system?!
“Brexit,”
Emma was keen to point out, “Theresa May is going for an “all or nothing”
gamble with the EU, trying to get a special British-EU trade deal that has
nothing to do with the single market or the European Court of Justice. The EU
has clearly stated how they work, and such a deal is a non-starter. A hard
Brexit will be a disaster. We need a fall-back position. The Green Party
advocates giving everyone a vote to choose whether to adopt the final Brexit
deal or to remain in the EU, to make sure we don’t end up on a path which is
clearly not in the best interests of this country.”
“Cuts to
public services: The Conservatives believe this is the only answer to poor
public finances. It’s not – it’s a political choice. The government has the
option of borrowing (at 1% for 10 years, i.e. very cheaply) or taxing higher
earners and the wealthy more. The cuts the Conservatives are imposing are
almost all a false economy: cutting primary healthcare puts up costs as people
go to hospital more; cutting funding for schools means a less well trained
workforce for the future; cutting funding for prisons means more re-offending
and prison riots. We need to invest more in our public services!”
“NHS: We
have a fantastic service but we pay less as a percentage of GDP than almost all
other rich countries. It needs to be better funded – not privatised. In the USA
there is much more private healthcare provision and they spend double the
amount we do on healthcare per person (and they don’t live as long). This is
not the way to go. The Green Party, Caroline Lucas, has tried to bring a NHS
reinstatement bill (to reverse privatisation) – and she’ll keep on trying.”
I’m liking
this; but how do we defend our Utopia, I had to ask. I mean, what do we need
Trident for, if we're subject to nuclear attack we're pretty much dead anyway?
“We don’t
believe Trident makes us safer and the huge amount of money could make so much
difference to us if it was used elsewhere,” Emma told me. “I think possessing
nuclear weapons makes it more likely that we’ll be sucked into world conflicts,
which is a major worry with President Trump being somewhat erratic.”
Somewhat
erratic being defined as stark raving lunatic in this instance, I might add.
Emma
continued, “Instead of putting so much effort into outdated irrelevant
technology, we need to make sure our service men and women are properly
equipped for the type of conflicts encountered today, and that we need to
develop a serious counter-cyber-attack capability for the future.”
Phew, this
is like getting heavy dude, how’s about we bring it to a local level; local
matters for a local column? I was interested to know how much of an issue
pollution is in rural Wiltshire. Aside from congestion in our market towns due
to infrastructure, what other areas would Emma look into locally?
“Air
pollution is one issue – levels in Devizes and Marlborough are about World
Health Organisation safe levels,” she informed. “Tackling this is partly about
having better alternatives to driving fossil-fuel vehicles: better bus services
and bringing rail links to Devizes and Marlborough, and by making cycling and
walking preferable by having attractive and safe cycle ways and pedestrian
routes. These are often likely to be implemented at the local council level,
however national laws affect what councils can do, and how much money they have.
The Green Party would re-nationalise railways.”
Seems to me
there are plenty of small companies producing environmentally
friendly/biodegradable alternatives, but are shadowed by pressure from the
mainstream plastic and fuel industries. I wondered how the Greens would change
this.
“There is a
huge problem that large multinational companies have too much lobbying power
and often can tilt the playing field to their advantage, through tax-loopholes
and by pressing for regulation that benefits their products. The Green Party is
trying to level the playing field to enable fair competition, and to implement
and support policies to encourage the use of environmentally friendly products.
This could be through increasing food and animal welfare minimum standards,
better labelling, or having higher fossil-fuel taxes to make products that use
less fossil-fuel in their manufacture more attractive.”
“I don’t
believe we can just persuade the majority of people to change to greener
lifestyles without changing the rules. Life is too complicated for most people
to bother about working out if the beans they buy in the supermarket are
environmentally friendly or not, and many people can’t afford the
environmentally friendly option anyway.”
The
socialist idealism of the party may be a hard pill to swallow for many, in the
reality of capitalism, and one we could philosophise over till the cows come home, but the Green’s
baseline policies makes sense to me. I’d like to see these ideas having more
clout in Parliament; I’d like these guys to at least be given a fair hearing.
So I thank Emma for her time at this vital moment and long for the possibility
of a coalition.
Corbyn
though stated he’s uninterested in a coalition, but upon receiving a rather
horrific and petty bias standard letter with my postal vote, from the
crumple-faced Prime Minister herself, I quiver at their pulling power.
Our own
Claire Perry litters our countryside with her campaign billboards. Wouldn’t it
be nice if she announced, “tell you what guys, being this marketing onslaught
is costly, and I’m going to win anyway, I’ve decided to donate the money I
would have spent to the Opportunity Centre or Julia’s House,” but she doesn’t,
she thinks we’d rather see her boat-race plastered over every view of our
countryside in some Orwellian fashion.
Now aside
from why Mrs May felt she needed to frighten me with a picture of herself on
the letterhead, as if I'd been living on the moon, she also seemed certain a
coalition was possible. Would the Greens consider a coalition with Labour if it
was on the table, my final question to Emma?
“The Green
Party would work together with any party to get our policies adopted. We do not
have a party whip: a Green politician can always vote as they believe best,
which may make a formal coalition difficult.
Both the Labour Party and the Liberal Democrats have adopted many Green
Party policies in their 2017 manifestos, so we would certainly support these
policies going through parliament.”
Should you
have any more questions for Emma, please feel free to contact her on email:
greendevizes@gmail.com, Twitter: @Emma4Devizes, or Facebook: Devizes Green
Party.
No Surprises Living in Devizes
Labour of Love
I write this
week’s column on Friday aware news rapidly fluctuates, there’ll be a whole new
batch of whoopla and judgements to digest by the time you read this. Least we
can be sure; the Conservative Party will remain callous organisms, unreliable
as Charles Ponzi at the My Little Pony Friendship Club AGM.
No
apologies, this is not the Beeb. The chance of impartiality here equals the
chance of Tories sticking to their manifesto; someone sang the truth in a song,
incongruously forbidden from radio, akin to Johnny Rotten muttering truths
about loyal Conservative Jimmy Saville.
So the
right-wing scrap, Daily Mail complained the Beeb’s debate was “bias to the
left;” hold on a nanosecond, if it swayed to the left could it have been
because the Prime Minister was too chicken to turn up? She’d rather chant
unbelievable soundbites from a protective podium, and spend her time praising
London’s homophobic Jesus House Church.
They’d cry
Thatcherism was too soft on the poor; they hailed the opening ceremony of the
2012 Olympic Games was “leftie,” because Danny Boyle depicted the NHS for what
it truly is; the envy of the world.
For crying
out loud, when will this barbaric folly cease? Surely even Conservatives will
now acknowledge she’s made diabolical chaos of their campaign for the flash
election she pushed, despite promising she wouldn’t? And with that in mind, how
on Earth or any other celestial body can you possibly trust her to obtain us
the “best deal for Britain” at the EU? I wouldn’t trust her with my fidget spinner
on a bouncy castle.
It’s getting
to the “fed-up” stage where I long to see social media return to Candy Crush
requests and cat videos. Nauseating is the notion we’re wedged in the mucus of
Tory central for our desire to reside somewhere aesthetically pleasing. Think
alternative, and get it into your nostalgic cranium; this is not Thatcherism.
So here we
go one last time; come on Rodders, you know it makes sense. Labour, is the
alternative gathering pace elsewhere in the country like Lewis Hamilton at the
driving school in Legoland; are we to shame ourselves again like a soiled baby
and cry for convention?
If I slip a
Whoopie cushion on our safe seat it’d only be pushed aside, so let’s hear from
our fresh and mighty brave young man, Imtiyaz Shaikh who is surprisingly
optimistic in his attempt to gain against the bigger kids in this game of
musical chairs.
Has he been
given a doomed constituency, is it best just to hold onto the few Labour
supporters and cross his fingers, and toes? “The Labour Party in Devizes is
better organised that you might think,” He tells me, “and is growing fast.”
“There are
lots of unlikely Labour supporters out there who are beginning to get active
across age groups. Unfortunately there
are still a lot of people who one would expect to vote Labour “the more hg\likely”
who are quite frankly alienated from the whole process of democracy. This is
partly our fault and we are trying to change it,” Imtiyaz explains. “Claire
Perry acts as if she has a God given right to be our MP, and her wrath is
frequently directed at those that oppose her, but no, we are not crossing our
finger and toes, we are too busy campaigning.”
Asking the
wealthiest to pay a bit more affects this constituency, they reside here. I
asked Imtiyaz how Labour could change the ethos of that majority.
“Yes many
people in the constituency are very well off,” he notes, “but there are pockets
of rural poverty in this area which is unseen, or worse ignored. Even in Marlborough the food bank delivers to
families who are not just struggling, they are sinking. In some of the villages
it is worse because of lack of transport links and rural isolation. I think the
majority carry on believing that everything is good because it is good for
them. Austerity measures introduced by this government hasn’t touched them,
nearly all the cuts have been on the incomes of the poorest. It will change because it has to. The charity
of the churches and the voluntary sector can only go so far in plugging the gaps
in welfare; the present level of inequality is just not sustainable.”
Corbyn seems
adamant a coalition won’t happen; does Imtiyaz feel about a coalition might be
fundamental in our constituency?
“A coalition
is not the answer in this constituency.” He explains, “Although we have more in
common with both the Greens and the Liberals than the Conservatives, a
coalition of the progressive parties in this constituency would not be enough
to topple the huge Conservative majority.”
“For the
last few years in this constituency labour and the Greens have been working
together on issues they agree on; Europe, the Environment and anti-poverty
strategies. I haven’t been involved in this but I believe that at local level
collaboration and co-operation is essential. At National level what is needed
is a change in the voting system, so people can genuinely vote for the party of
their choice. I am a Democrat and the first past the post system is not, in my
opinion, the best way of running a representative democracy. If elected I would
campaign for a change in the voting system and although this is not yet Labour
policy I think people in the Labour Party agree with me.”
One hurdle
is the insular population of Devizes, quick to point out Imtiyaz is based in
Swindon; I’d wager they ponder how this reflects on his knowledge and
dedication to Devizes. “Swindon is not a million miles away, Devizes is a huge
constituency,” he tells me, “The problems faced by people in Devizes town are
not so different from the problems faced by people in Swindon.”
“The
difference is the rural areas in this constituency have no transport links and
are isolated communities. Pensioners on low incomes and young people without
transport in some of the villages are significantly worse off than those in the
towns. I don’t pretend to know this area as well as the area I live in but if
elected I would be a full time politician in this constituency, fighting in the
interests of all the people in all parts of this constituency.”
Remember
when I started this column last year; we kicked it off with an opinion poll of
what past facilities we would welcome back? The hospital was only one under a
train station. Think of the relevance of this now; does he think the NHS care
centre is sufficient for our needs, or is the lack of health services here an
unpleasant sign of Tory’s tenet to privatise it?
“The
population of Devizes has gone up,” Imtiyaz begins, “The NHS Care centre in
Devizes is too small to meet present demand. Across the county health services
have been depleted. Labour would ensure
services meet local demand by investing in them. One of the problems in our area is
recruitment of staff. There are not enough Doctors and Nurses to fill current
vacancies. The Tory policy of getting
rid of nurse bursaries at a time when there is a huge recruitment problem is
simply crazy. Capping pay rises for nurses and other health professionals at 1%
for six years is equally crazy. More and more nurses are leaving the profession
because they simply can’t afford to feed their kids.”
You could
say the only good thing to have come from this Tory administration is that the
young have realised there’s better things to be voting on than “Britain’s Got
Talent,” but right now, the NHS is surely the kingpin to persuading lifetime
blue supporters to change.
“It takes 3
years to train a nurse and 7 years to train a doctor,” Imtiyaz continues, “If
more EU citizens leave our NHS will completely collapse. What better way to
achieve a private health care system, than under-investing in the NHS and
making private health care the only option. With another Conservative
Government people won’t just be having their houses confiscated when they die
to pay off social care costs, any assets they have will be used to pay-off
their health care costs too. This already happens in America, although to be
fair in America this happens before you die.”
I admit I
have nightmares where Dr Nick of the Simpsons comes to my bedside, but giving
out Labour leaflets the other week I was faced with an averagely well off
elderly chap who threw it back at me. He stated, “I in’t never voted fer ‘em
be-fur, why should I’s start nare?” He has no hope of benefitting from thinking
this way. What would Imtiyaz say to people like that?
“If every
one really did vote in their self-interest we would have a Labour Government!”
he points out amusingly, “I too have met people like him. No party is perfect but I believe that Labour
has the best policies for a UNITED kingdom.”
“The choice
in this election is about what direction you want this country to go in; further
erosion of our public services and a country where only the wealthy have access
to decent health care, education and housing, or a country where everyone
benefits from a Labour Party which will invest in these essential services for
the benefit of everyone. For the many not the few is more than a political
slogan, it encapsulates everything I believe in.”
So
conclusion is nearing, the ref is checking his watch. You could entrust your
vote to Claire, locally safe bet, but you know she crumbles on the train to
London and despite her claims she kisses the feet of hierarchy. I’m certain we
need the backbencher who isn’t afraid to take their ethos to Parliament.
I’ve been
mightily impressed by Imtityaz’s response to my questions. I thank him and wish
him all the best; next week we can return to a shorter column, whinging once
again about favourite chip shops and so on. For now though, please don’t accept
the media assault against Corbyn; it’s false.
I mean, can
we be sure there’s only one Jeremy Corbyn? Seems like we have the real McCoy
and another the media seems to report on, I asked Imtiyaz!
“We are just
beginning to see Jeremy Corbyn uncut. In an election campaign coverage is more
balanced and he can speak directly to audiences rather than having his message
filtered and distorted by the media. What you see is what you get; a tough man
with integrity, someone who genuinely believes what he says and someone who,
against the odds WILL deliver.”
“Jeremy
Corbyn is not a man who backs down at the slightest hint of attack. He will be
attacked, he has been many times before, but he won’t run away from a fight
with vested interests. He will stand up
and fight for what he believes in; a fairer more equal society.”
Why should we take heed of what mainstream media publishes as "news" yet disregard what the free press issues?
Politics aside for this, here's a shining example of my point. The tabloids go to town on singer/songwriter Steve Andrews this week because he appeared on Britain's Got Talent.
Here though is a page from my very first publication, the crazy comic zine Toonedelic Times from 1994; scream if you remember it!
Yeah its raw, its hand written and photocopied but displays Steve Andrews singing is hardly news; the guy's been doing it and loving it for an age.
The other significant difference from my report to today's tabloids is I concentrate on his music rather than his beard.
Too keen are the tabloids to point out Steve experimented with psychoactive plants as if man using such herbs for hallucinogenic properties is some new-fangled trend. This is not news, folk been doing that since the dawn of the neanderthals.
Not necessarily reflecting negatively, Steve is relishing the media attention and laughing off the eccentric image it portrays of him. Our zines and punk-paste publications could never achieve anything near the same distribution.
I only wish these Fleet Street drones could latch onto the real story as I know it; Welsh guy loves entertaining and writing encyclopedic guides to mind altering substances, has been doing it all his adult life and has achieved respect, admiration and light -hearted mirth for it.
In my opinion there's nothing here to mock. So I suggest you scan the headline and occupy your time better by searching for Steve Andrew's musical talents or checking out his books rather than reading more than you need to of the spoiled garbage newspapers shove down your throat.
For one it has altered the way I view contestants on these talent shows, the ones the media mock and rip into.
Damn these guys got up there and did it, with a variety of professionalism and skill, but still they did it and you slump on your sofa stuffing pizza into your cake-hole and criticise their every movement.
Steve was among the talented here but would never fit the needs of the show, others strive to apease the masses, while he did what he always did and bought about a togetherness through his music by engaging the audience and making them part of his act.
These are the points the tabloids should focus on but being I know the whole story I know how inaccurate these articles are; makes me ponder the facts for the articles I know nothing of.
Tories dubbed Labour’s nationalisation manifesto as “a return
to the 1970s,” while our titanium-lady called for a return to ripping foxes to
shreds, pulling wheelchairs out from under the disabled and squabbling with
Europeans akin to Sir Francis Drake. Whatever fluctuations, Mrs May is certain
we’ll face them together; no dinner for her then.
What British
institutions will she reintroduce next on her maniac “mainstream” death-tax-manifesto;
voting restricted to gentry, public executions, the slave trade, or burning
witches perhaps? Bell-bottoms and Love
Thy Neighbour aside, if we’re going backwards either way, I’d rather return
to the 1970s then the 1570s.
Can we expect
the return of plague (solving NHS underfunding,) a reappearance of grave
robbers maybe? Or will Jim’ll Fix It
be back on tele? Can we hope to see white dog poo again?
Just because
things happened in days gone-by doesn’t make them right. Our fondness for a
bygone era is shrouded with nostalgia; crushing white dog poo underfoot and
hurling brown snowballs really wasn’t as much fun as you reminisce.
Oh dog poo;
a subject I’ve avoided to date, primarily because it’s a national issue and
secondly, because I talk enough toilet already. However nothing floods local
Facebook groups with comments like a dog poo rant; election, Brexit, even bad
parking doesn’t compare. So I’ve been driven to slip in the matter.
Believe it
or nuts, dog fouling has been illegal for twenty-one years. Turd bagging has
become as second nature as Facebooking a picture of your tea. Now though, owners
are fed up with pocketing poo and have returned to antiquated methods, covering
with environmental excuses.
Alas I know
nothing of the thrill of poop scooping. So blindly pondering; who here packages
biodegradable matter in an imperishable bag and who opts to stick-flick it at
passing ramblers? And what to do with your bag of poo; take it home, try find a
bin not teetering already or post it to 10 Downing Street?
I’m told some
opt to tie the bag to a tree like an undesirable Christmas decoration; well
done you, double whammy for irresponsibleness. While five-pee reduced our usage
of plastic shopping bags we’ve upped other uses; dog poo, nappies and sick bags
every time Katie Hopkins Tweets.
Our
villagers travel afar sanctioning their pooches to defecate along the school
path, because we live in such an urbanised area with lack fields to walk dogs.
“Just taking Fi-Fi for a dump on the council estate honey…”
Unsure if
they uphold increasing our children’s immune system, they figure it’s harmless
because they bagged it, or they simple don’t give a shit.
My
confusion; how can baggers be sure they've collected all the pulp matter,
doggies squish too?
Owners shriek,
“what can I do, I’m doomed if I bag, doomed if I flick?” The answer is simple,
to other single-celled organisms and above. Buy a flipping reusable lunchbox
and a bottle of water, scoop your doggie doing in it, wash down the affected
area, and take said lunchbox home for washing. Is that as hard to grasp as
squelcher?
Better
still; train your pooch to poo in your own garden rather than leave it to the
heroic CUDS and Wiltshire Council Green Party candidate Geoff Brewer, who have
been tidying discarded poo sacks in Drew’s Pond Wood, the worst affected area
of Devizes. At last, here’s a councillor cleaning poo rather than dishing it
out.
Why do we
make an issue of dog’s doings, while cats poo at liberty in neighbour’s
gardens, or roadkill sprawls over our highway; a testament of our need to speed
to work, or even, particularly in Wiltshire, horse poo is legal tender; they’re
permitted to produce a mountain of the stuff in any road and no one raises an
eyebrow?
Someone
always brings horse poo to the table on any online dog poo debate, but it’s
fiercely defended because we love a bit of that round ‘ere; spread it over yer
field, proper jarb.
One
memorable response I read appealed you couldn’t expect a horse rider to
dismount to clean as the horse would bolt. These folk never watched westerns;
cowboys been tying horses to posts for centuries to go play poker in the
saloon, drink a bottle of bourbon and have a gunfight; I’m sure you could tie
yours too for the duration of a quick shovelling.
Opps a daisy, did I offend
the wealthy again?
I asked this
and the response was; “not all horse riders are wealthy what-what?” Slightly
misguided in a country where nurses need food banks; looks like my column has
come full circle.
Is dog poo
as bad as the poo spluttering from Theresa May’s lips as it quivers under the
weight of progressive alliance and the young tactically voting? The media walkies
the right-wing; fouls the campaign trail with obscene budgets and slogans derived
from Mein Kampf (true,) but cannot dump over the freedom of social media (yet;)
snooper’s charter, pooper’s charter.
Sure we’ve a
responsibility to maintain the cleanliness of our streets, but there’s a
mountain of other faeces to sort; and its rotting our country. We have a duty
to vote in this strategically placed election, to turn tables, but
unfortunately here in the Conservative safe-zone we can hope only to scoop a miniscule
dog turd against the mountain of manure.
I don't know what came over me as checked Facebook before my mid-morning nap. Saw this news post from a site I'd not heard of before, Index: Wiltshire. I quickly despatched a message to them, without any real thought as to the implications of my actions. That moment of lunacy is why we are here today, with this book; all I can do is apologise. Forward wind a year and No Surprises Living in Devizes has become a bit of a "thing," the best description I can come up with. Every Sunday a new episode goes live like the unleashing of a crazed dragon on steroids. I face a plethora of responses and feedback; some are nice. There's brute honesty in the causerie journalism doesn't usually convey in this day and age. It also brings a straightforward view on life in our traditional market town, with wonky edges. Relive last year's No Surprises columns with this gorgeous paperback or kindle book, 'cos you're worth it.; 6 quid paperback or 2 for the ebook!
